Dream high

I'm actually afraid I might be one of those whom they mention in sappy love songs; after years and I'm still holding on. I want to feed myself with hatred and anger, that's how I move on, how I cope with bad situations. But I can't find anymore anger and hatred that's left in me. That's how wonderful you were, you took away all, each and every one of them, away from me. I have no idea about the future but for now, I know I've never loved someone so much, never spent so much time with, never put so much effort, and never got so involved in. But we ended things. Just because we had different dreams to chase after. It's a pretty sad thing huh?

You know how questions of doubts start pouring in after a good relationship ends. I'm actually not afraid of not finding another who would love me as much as you did, but more of me wondering will I ever be able to treat the next person the same way I did to you. It's not a fear, because we both did nothing wrong, but I feel like I'd be cheating on you if I did so.

I've never been so depressed. I've never doubted my own ability to pick myself up and carry on, but this time I do. It's been a week plus since things ended and three days since we both decided to stop contacting for at least a month, to give myself space to move on. I still feel nothing but horrible. I have not been eating, I have not been sleeping well. I've never cried so much. I have yet to be truly happy again.

-K.