Not like the movies

My Clinical Instructor once said," you have to move on from your mistakes and whatever that has happened."

I still can't believe he's gone. His cold, stiff body appears in front of me every now and then. I can't help but feel that I could've done something that could've saved him.

Push

Suddenly broke down at the mrt station on the way to work yesterday hahahaha bodoh -.-

Gloomy Sunday

I finished ironing my uniform for the whole week and decided to repack my closet. Then the last stack on the bed was the unworn clothes that I brought to and from Perth. The last piece was my grey cardigan. It was still a little chilly and I don't know why, my first reaction was to smell it. And it did still smell of Perth, my sister's bedroom, adding with a little scent of the cold spring breeze.. I wanna hug it and cry myself to sleep but I know I shouldn't. :'(

When will I ever get out of this depression? I feel like such a loser. It's exhausting faking a smile everyday when I feel so empty every single day.

Ebee

It's an exhausting routine trying to smile and laugh. I love my current life.

TGIF

It's fridaaaay! Yep, that pretty much explains how little I'm enjoying my attachment. Hahaha, but actually it's alright, as in not THAT bad laa. Day one was pretty horrid but as we familiarize with the surrounding and staffs, it's pretty cool. And again, I'm lucky! :D

There's a staff damn nice to me, telling me to just go to her as she'll help me sign my logbook; just like SN Hafiza back in Malaysia :)

Honestly, I really miss working in KPJ, MINUS the hostel and ridiculous CIs. I don't know, Malaysians are generally very nice people I guess? I really miss people from my home. The patients are nice and sometimes rather quirky. Hahaha. Here like they have this whole "SERVE me as I've paid you to" seriously whadafa? -.- oh, and I actually got the geriatrics cubicle HEHEHE it's like early training for me :D it's pretty challenging and I do admit it somehow got me wondering "am I really interested in gerontology?" because I JUST realized it can be a pretty 'slow' job. And I was really excited when today, finally! there were blood and running up and down-s. Aweeesomeeee! But then, yeah, I still do enjoy and have a lot of passion in nursing the geriatrics. It's really really really something different. (:

And the doctors are quite young and good looking and imagine my cubicle is facing their desks! HAHAHA *wiggles* but don't worry, I'm not greedy, just aim two to motivate myself to go for attachment only. Hahahaha

My whole routine in the house includes Tom N Jerry HEHEHE once bangun, on Tom N Jerry while packing my bag, pause to bathe, then sambung while drying my hair, then pause to prepare breakfast, continue while changing, pause to wash my cup then have the last episode before putting my computer on 'sleep' mode and off to the hospital! Hahahaha

I miss my family, especially my sister :0

Butterfly

Yoga is very relaxing but it still makes you sweat like a pig. Kaching! :D

12:34

Lunch break now. A very very good thing happened this morning: I found my passion to nurse again! Really looking forward to officially start my practicals tomorrow :D and I'm thinking of spending my weekends in St Luke's for extra experience.

And got our results today. Grades are good to me but the gpa didn't really reach my expectation but it's okay, I know how I studied for the exams so okay laa, can't say much, satisfied though (:

But I'm really really happy and excited for my group mates! We all passed! :DD

TTS

First day of attachment. Muntah cam gila babi.

Work It

Tomorrow will be my official first intensive work out day. Arghh, the girl postponed my personal training slot to Tuesday instead :0 nevermind. My attachment starts tomorrow as well; not really feeling dreadful about it, but not really excited also.

I hate to say this but I really have to lose weight. Macam shit. I do put on and lost weight before this but it's the natural way, I didn't starve or what because I reaaaally don't want to go back to my old unhealthy self where my mum actually had to force me to eat and find reasons to convince me to eat even just a small bite. But it's okay, that was 3 years ago hahaha but now seriously, I'm feeling the pressure from others. They keep telling me I'm fat, making horrible remarks and plus the mistake that good looking tailor did, I really have to lose a few kilos in order to fit into my uniform comfortably.

So I'll be expecting terrible mood swings from myself. Dammit, it seems like I'm really heading 3 years back. Which means very bad temper. I'll avoid communicating because the last time I checked, I'll punch myself with the celaka words I utter when I'm hungry and pms-ing.

Gahhh! I hope you guys understand.

VIP King bought for me a new phone cover

And I got myself a haircut; more like fringe cut.

Arghhhhh now I need to work out like crazyyyyy

By the way, my sis is back :D

Guiltily unguilty

Please tell me you know, I've got to let you go; I can't help falling out of love with you.

-The Civil Wars

Haven't you seen me sleepwalking? 

This time I'm not leaving without you

I've never felt so lonely, it's like a huge part of me is missing. This feeling is common but it was never this bad; every song and every words and action reminds me of them :(

I love you, Jie.

Buncit

I don't know why all of a sudden I'm having pretty mixed up feelings. I suddenly don't feel like going back to my college. I'm thinking of dropping kickboxing and sign up for gym instead or I'll probably just do both. Haha die ahh, that's what I do best when problem arises: avoid everyone, act dumb and run. Don't know ehh, everything feels so awkward. Awkward. AWKWARD. I said AWKWARD. wtf. Actually I don't know what it is that's awkward also HAHAHA

I'm so bored. I need to find someone ASAP. HEHEbye.

It's Springg!

I'm gonna visit every semester now hehehe

Been trying their beef burgers and they're goooood :0

Now I find Asian guys pretty cute! HOHOHO

Perth and spring; the weather where I don't bathe whole day and my hair still looks good!

Maaaaaaahh! (: