Trust

I just finished the movie. I wanted to stop when the guy appeared. It was sick and disturbing. But the ending, for the first time in so many movies I've watched, I cried hahaha. It reminded me of the January incident. What the dad told his daughter, it struck me. The whole movie. Eventhough the main plot wasn't about suicide. It was just the ending part where she decided to end her life.

No one in my family talks about it and I myself am avoiding it that I soon forgot about it. Until that day i was packing my room and decided to read my old journal and the day my sis sent me a message.

Now I know it's been extremely hard on them. My parents. My sister. My brother, sis in law, cousins and uncle I guess? I know it's anal to say this but I could just think of my parents and sister. Well, sister mainly hahaha.

I mean, God. What were they actually thinking when it happened? It never struck me until Clive Owen talked to his daughter. It feels extremely horrible. The worry I put in them. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling now.

I just wanna apologise.

Puddle of Mud

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fucked up.

And we always end them with a smile.

Fuck it.

Rootless Tree

So fuck you,

And all we've been through

I said leave it.

It's nothing to you;

And if you hate me,

Then hate me so good that you can let me out

Let me out of this hell when you're around.

It's just a thought; only a thought

I took whatever's in the fridge and mixed them up.

Cloudy apple juice. 

Mixed carrot and orange juice.

White wine.

Turns out surprisingly pretty good.

HAHAHA

Lately I'm getting back to my old bad habits.

Urghhh,  f- it.

Say you'd run to my side

She sounds so different in this song.

Whole day I kept listening to Tracy Chapman's Goodbye, Macy Gray's I Try, Boyce Avenue's cover version of Usher's Without You and Dido's Life For Rent. 

Sometimes it's not that I don't try; at times I just feel that there's no point trying. At times I wish I were normal; be stupid like how normal girls are. Giving priorities and risks to things that aren't important after all. Sometimes I struggle so hard over something that I soon forget what. I'm really sick of judgmental people. Are they really there as a friend or they're willingly listening to you to make a joke out of you? I'm sorry but I can't help feeling this way. I FUCKING HATE TO SOUND WHINY AND ANNOYING. That's why I hardly tell people my problems. I just don't fucking trust anyone hahaha. My truth can be a nice lie at times. I'm not trying to be different when I say this, but then some of my thoughts about certain things are really different from my friends. Sometimes I'd try to be bold and just say what's really on my mind on how I see things, they'd make fun of it and laugh it off. So okay ah, I just laugh along. Of course I know they don't mean to bring me down but you don't have a clue how disappointing it is at times. I love my friends, I really do. They treat me like a princess and a queen most of the time but it's like how they say about parents, love is not about pouring gifts and wealth. Ahh fuck it.

I feeeeeeeeel like running away again. But it's not that bad this time because I'm enjoying my current attachment alot and I've been keeping myself busy during that whole 8-hour shift to shut my mind off things. But I'm pretty looking forward to the long holidays as well. Can't make it to Perth this break; spent most of my money on medical fees. URGHH. 

Can I just smoke weed for the rest of my life and just stay high? -.-

Life for rent

有时候还是喜欢一个人的生活. 不必顾别人的感受, 只需要做自己喜欢做的事.

(:

It's all in a day

Ahh, what the fuck was I thinking yesterday. Shit. I can't recall some parts. I remember what happened but not how I felt and how it came about.

Seriously. Screw this shit.

Goodbye.

I need some fine wine, and you, you need to be nicer.

Good dog. Bad dog.

-The Cardigans.