Take My Hand.

See you right around the corner
I know that you were getting closer
It dawned on me, it dawned on me
That you could be the one for me
But I'm sure you've heard it all the time
I just look like the other guy
Next to me, next to me
Next to me, next to me

Let's go home together
You'll say that it's good for me
You're good for me
But it's all in my head
When I wake in my bed
Don't know

I've got no motivation
I've got not stimulation
You could be, you could be
The one for me
We will see that
I've got no motivation
Give me some motivation
(In this life, in this life, in this life)

And I know you're not
One of those girls
Who takes her time
She'll come for me, she'll come for me
She'll come for me
And I can wait for eternity
For you to take your turn with me
Turn with me, turn with me

I've got no motivation
I've got not stimulation
You could be, you could be
The one for me
We will see that
I've got no motivation
Give me some motivation
(In this life, in this life, in this life)

Baby, it's fine
If you want to be mine
Just call out my name
Don't wait in line
Just take my hand
And break my heart tonight

I've got no motivation
I've got not stimulation
You could be, you could be
The one for me
We will see that
I've got no motivation
Give me some motivation
(This life, this life, this life)

Take me home with you
I can't go alone
And take me home tonight

Just take my hand, and break my heart tonight.

-Quietdrive-

♥

7220.

This is crazy. I didn't get the message that the 4pm class was cancelled so I spent two hours in the library before finding out about it. Did some light revision and next week's tutorial assignment. Crazy I know. My head feels so heavy. I'm starting to get stomach cramps, dizziness, nauseous and worst, I panic all of the time. Always worrying about my studies. Sometimes I complete the assignments which will be given in another two to three week's time so that I can have more time to do my revision. And yet, I continue counting the hours and minutes I have for revision. Sometimes, I'd rather stay in the library for few extra hours instead of going home because the journey will roughly take up about 40minutes. And once I reach home, I feel exhausted but I'd immediately switch on my laptop, spread out my books and lecture notes and start studying. Again. Studying is good but what I'm doing, I know I'm going overboard. But I just can't let loose. I decided to force myself to by joining Steph for a movie. Before that, I rushed home and went to the mall an hour earlier so that I could go to the library and while waiting for her, I can do some studying. During dinner, I spent the time discussing with her about issues I just learned from classes. During the movie, I keep staring at my watch to count the time left for me to study when I get home. Even though I force myself to think that it's okay, I've studied today but still, I keep feeling guilty. Guilty for going out and wasting time instead of staying at home to study. I'm starting to have most of the symptoms for anxiety attacks. :/ I don't want to slack but I just want to let loose a bit.

The Kiasu Affect.

For the first time, I really am 'scared to lose' but worry shall not, it's not to the extend where I keep all the knowledge to myself. It's just to the level where the moment the last class ends, my mind only think of I WANT TO GO HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO STUDY. Seriously. The one and only thing that is going through my mind every single weekday is study, study, study. Everyday I didn't fail to do revision but yesterday, I was too busy being emotional about the rejection thing and I ended up not revising at all and guess what? My brain went bazooka today, the whole day. It was so bad that I decided to drop two CCAs in order for me to have more time to study. Yes, it's the legendary word again and again. Yes, it somehow will secure me for the SGH sponsorship if I do really well in this upcoming Semester One exam and secondly, let me tell you the long kept secret, I want to be in the Director's List. I really never pushed myself this hard and this far. I hope I don't lose my brain. I just can't seem to relax. No doubt, it's an unhealthy thing. Hmm and this is only the second week of college. :/

And what's bringing the frown so frequently these days is none other than the evil word: money. I'm thinking of doing part time but then I wouldn't have the weekends to study. YES STUDY. I'm not the same slacky, carefree me anymore at the moment. Urgh, the short update and I'll be back to.. studying. :o

This is like my brain.

BEEEEECHAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOM.

-________-

:')

My awesome cousin, Stephanie was the first person I messaged to when I couldn't get through my parents because she taught me how to score an interview, accompanied me there and consoled me while giving me extra confidence that I'll get the sponsorship. All the words of wisdom came from her! She came over for dinner when my mum returned my calls. I was quite disappointed with my mum's words and reaction and my dad didn't even bother to say a word to me. He was pretty much disappointed I guess. And my brother too. All he replied was an 'errr..' when I told him I didn't get it. They're probably just hoping that I'll get the sponsorship so that they could let go of me as their burden. Financially. The conversation between me and my mum ended. I wanted to cry of anger, confusion and disappointment but I kept it in and talked to my cousin. I honestly told her, "Everyone is just worried about the money. As if I don't feel bad enough. As if I'm feeling soooo good not getting it." with a laugh. She said some realistic but comforting opinions. Before she left, she gave me quite a number of things that will be useful for my studies. Notebooks and a magnet with the word: HOPE. :') And just now, I was about to sleep when I opened my facebook. Two pictures, edited by her, that really made me feel overwhelmed.

Just the exact words I needed.

Thanks, Steph.

:')

Katrina Mama Letish.

:D

Curb.

Am I supposed to feel motivated? I say I am but I don't have the mood to do anything now. Eff you tears. Stop.

Hehe.

Just got back from college, opened my email and received a reply from the HR Department of SGH saying that they're just going to keep my application for further consideration and wishes to see my upcoming semester results. :'( I kept calling mum and dad and none of them picked up my calls. I can't even get through my sister's phone. :'( I feel like such a sore loser. I screwed up my Chemistry and Biology during my SPM. I'm not even sure if I want to break this news to mum and dad. The first thing that everyone will worry is about the money. Steph said if God closes one door, He'll open another. I get that, and I believe things do happen for a reason. Does He thinks I'm not ready? Or is this a punishment for spending the money mum gave because I had confidence in getting the scholarship? But I really didn't have any clothes with me that's why I bought a few. :'( I feel like a pile of shit. :(

Routine.

I wake up, bathe, have oats, go to class, copy down notes, have lunch, have tutorials, sit on the bus, choo choo get back home, bathe, cook, have dinner, study, recopy the notes while watching online shows, study, list a few songs, sleep. And it goes on and on and on. Yeah it goes on and on and on. Katrina, y u no cool? Bodoh. I need to do some sports to tone up my body so I'll be joining Kick Boxing and it's three hours of practice every week.

Case Study One: Constipation. Who knows about it better than I do? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA sial.

18th April 2011.

I gave today's date an honour to be the title because it's my first official day of studying in the ultimate dream school of mine, Nanyang Polytechnic. Why is my starting phrase so cheesy? Hahaha nevermind, but it's true. I love it here. The lecturers are nice, fun, and awesome to wrap it all up. I'm in Tutorial Group 13, three boys and the rest are the girls. Two from Myanmar, two from Malaysia and four from China. Others are locals. They're all really good groupmates and even the boys are nice, funny and friendly! They talk to you, they care for you!

First semester is the hardest, Mrs Tan said. But as long as we get to have a GPA of at least 2.5 or even better, 3.0 and above, the following semesters will be much easier and in the future, most of the good universities and hospitals will only accept students with results of at least GPA 3.0 and I'm quite confident in maintaining a GPA of 3.0 and above if I concentrate on my studies. :)

New study table and chair from Ikea. 

Can you see the awesome pink?

It matches with my white table!

So yes, I'm doing great!

P/s: I have to to at least get a tuition grant! 

Hahaha. 

:)

PhotoDates.

The three bags I packed to Singapore. Geng right?

*CHING!*

Yes I have and I regretted.

Tak sedap.

'Irish Cream' from the Highlanders Coffee.

C.R.E.A.M.Y.

:)~

I wanted to have an Americano but then I wanted to drink Jonathan Rhys Meyers SO BADLY.

I don't know is this the starting or the end of Blair Street.

The houses are really nice there.

Marble Cheesecake at Chef Icon.

Ate half means not good and not bad.

Half-half.

The boss told me to come back to try his new recipes two weeks later.

Hmm, okays!

Interview session with SGH.

Chef Icon.

I sat there for almost two hours and I was the only one there.

I was THIS close to touching myself.

HAHAHAHA.

This boy was standing in front of me in the bus.

Lame but it makes total sense.

HAHAHAHAHA.

解脫

I don't know why I'm having such mixed feelings. I'm starting to feel extremely, I don't know. I miss waking up at ten in the morning, take a quick shower and go for brunch with Aunty Fay and my sister. Then we'd go to Oriental Cravings and while Aunty Fay takes care of her shop, Karen and I would go to Starbucks and have a tall Americano at kid's temperature and a cup of ice or a cup of Iced Shaken Lemonade Zen Tea. :'(

Maybe because of that day's call I answered her rudely about the route to my place that made her sick of me and not wanting to come up this Wednesday. :'(

I hate the fact that I'll cry at night. :'(

I'm listening to her favourite sad song. :'(

I miss my sister. :'(

I'm sorry.

解脫

In another two hours' time, I'll be leaving here. I'm starting to feel like a kid who just lost her blankie. My parents made the days rather annoying when I reached, now only when I'm about to go they start saying things that makes me feel dreadful. But I'm glad not even a part of me is saying, "I don't want to go." because this is a dream that I never thought would've happened. I'm even able to study in the college of my dreams, studying the course that I really love and enjoy even though a part of me will always be worrying about the money. Hahaha but like what my sister said, "God has decided that you're ready to go, so just do your part and leave the rest to Him. He will arrange everything."

Before this, I do believe the works of God but never in such a way that I really believe in Him so much especially when it comes to financial problems.. But this time, it's different. I keep seeing miracles and help coming from Him day by day. The feeling is indescribable. I just get stunned every second, smiling widely to myself. Hahaha :)

BINGG!

GUESS WHO JUST ADDED ON MUKABUKUUU??
CHRISTOPHER VISCONTI!

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHA.

HAHAHA.

8D

Charging.

I'm slowly 'digesting' to the fact that all these are really happening. From the day I got the offer until today, it had only been six days. I'm going to miss here and my colony of loud voiced good friends. Hahahaha :')

Jia Chee.

Yee Nee.

Michelle.

Ee Ling.

Lee Ee.

Siew Ching.

Chee Pei.

CINDY!

These are the friends I spent the most time with every single time I head home. But except Cindy, since she's doing matriculation in Perlis. (I think it's Perlis. HAHAHA) And these are the only friends that I really treasure so much. Oh, of course ada Soo Yen as well even though I hardly get to catch up with her but still, she has been really good and caring towards me. OH and Han Chee! I'm not really close with Han Chee but we hung out quite a number of times.

These are what I call real good hometown friends.

:)

xoxo

I Won't Make You Wait.

Since last week, I realised I have been writing a whole lot about God. Hahaha no I didn't pretend to sound or look oh-I'm-so-holy-please ----> NOW that's the real official PLEASE. You'd know if I hated you, I'll somehow make sure you know it and I don't go around telling others how holy I am, neither am I trying to create a holy image to cover up my sins. Janganlah LOH terasa iya? ;p If you ask, I'd admit my sins, I face it, and I move on. I don't try to cover up. I know I'm making a huge mistake now as well: me deciding to cut off any ties with you and not forgiving you and accepting you as my friend again. Actually, I did forgive you and now I just want to move on without you.

My house electricity just tripped and I went to fix it and POP! the lights came back on. I'm somehow glad that our mum had somehow constantly reminded us to act like a man and not to rely on men. So you see why my sister and I are ego in a way that most of the times, we believe women are better than men? I do believe that females can do pretty much everything a male does but it does not work the other way round. ;p But I'm not saying all women are that, because most of them are real life dimbos. But my sister always tells me: The way you see things and your perception towards men will change when you eventually find the right guy. Believe this. I somehow am starting to believe it and I can't wait for that to happen actually. :p But I'm not rushing into anything because it will eventually lead me to be more convinced that most guys just don't make full use of their breakfast set. Yes your dua biji telur burung puyuh and one sausage breakfast set. 


I'm just glad that I'm able to leave alot of things behind and I do feel that this will lead me to living together with Victorado Baba and Kairan Sailor in the future! I can't believe this is happening!

RespondSSSSSSsssssssss.

I prayed for a better college.

HE gave me Singapore.

I prayed for a secured placement.

HE gave me my granduncle's kindness.

I prayed for time.

HE gave me the kick of urgency.

I prayed for smoothness.

HE gave me perfect timing.

I prayed to go home quick.

HE gave me smoothness.

I prayed for strength.

HE gave me the adrenaline rush.

I prayed for a friend.

HE gave me my high school friend.

I pray for everything.

HE gave me the trust in creating miracles.

So yes Lady Gaga, I really do love THE ONE AND ONLY CAPITAL H-I-M!

:D

Difference.

Long journeys alone gives me time to slowly recollect what happened and how I dealt or have yet to deal with them. I sometimes laugh and smile alone reminiscing all the good memories. Some eventually fades away, making me think hard on what happened that caused the change. Was it me, or was it them? You ever felt stupid when you think back of some particular events that you once thought was funny turns out to be yourself actually being used and made fun of without being respected? At least I know I had. Hahaha. Most of them I tend to just forgive and forget, as moping around about these small matters seems like a suicidal thing to me. :) But there's this particular small, stupid, 'funny' yet disturbing 'flashback' hit me like my current jam-packed bag pack in front of me being thrown at my nose. It really keeps haunting me in a very disturbing way. I just smile at the imagination of myself telling you: Aww pretty darling, how could you.. In a rather annoying, cocky British accent. Hahahahhaahahahahahahahaahahaha. Yes, that's how my brain works instead when I'm really pissed. Hahaha.

So I edited a few names in my contacts list and I kept laughing alone in the train. Mann, I wish you're right beside me right now. :)

Ohh and this: I don't like it when you keep thanking me when it actually meant nothing and I hate it even more when you keep apologising knowing you're at fault. It's nothing to me anymore. It's specially meant for you. I'm strong and now have decided to have nothing to do with you. I'm saying that whole long phrase with R-E-S-P-E-C-T YOW!


Have an awesome day, new found stranger! ;)

The multiple apologies that sounded right.

For all of the time that i tried for your smile
For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And I’m So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love,for wasting your time
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
I’m so sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won’t make my difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry do can’t turn back time
I’m sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
I’m so sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i loved you


-Anthony.

Lazarus.

My eyes are killing me. I spent the last five minutes playing with the torch, don't ask me why. I really hadn't expected to get an offer from Singapore. I clicked into the website and I was stoned at there for about a minute. My sister was already looking at me, gasping, saying: My God. Qi. You got it! And she was weird to see my expressionless face. I was actually still looking for the phrase: Congratulations! Or whatever words that meant the same. Hahaha. I remember that night itself I was already on the train on my way back to my hometown to pick up my passport and a few important documents that may be needed by them.

The next two days in Singapore was like the Amazing Race. My granduncle and I left home at nine in the morning, headed straight to the college to get my enrollment package. My heart rather sank when the clerk told me to pay by that very day, if possible. What possible? It's impossible. I can't dig out that amount of money. I wanted to forget about it and pretended to borrow my granduncle's phone to inform my mum about the procedure but he sensed something and stopped me from doing so and said: No. I'll pay for you first. This amount is nothing compared to your future. I was. Stunned. And he really didn't allow me to make that call. So we went to register a local number and my broadband, headed home to get the cheque, rushed to the bank and went to settle my medical examination. Got home, bathed and I headed over to Steph's place and settled my applications for my student pass and hospital sponsorships. Went to bed around two in the morning and got up at nine again. Went to open an account, snapped my passport pictures, had lunch, headed back to Hougang, got my guardian's signature and spent the next two hours plus in the Nanyang office. Trust me, the moment everything was settled and I got out of the office, my first thought was FREEDOM! GRADUATION! Hahahaha but SERIOUSLY. Headed back home and managed to learn some kitchen skills from my granduncle. ;p

And now I'm back home. I'm really glad everything could be settled THAT fast. Really, I do strongly believe it's the BIGGGGG HELP FROM GOD! Hahahaha :DD

So it's Saturday, 1.45am. I'm listening to U2's With Or Without You, smiling to the fact that it gives me a certain assurance that almost everything is really settled after writing them all out. :) I've packed all my clothes, bought the things I want, hopefully get to spend the night with my hometown really close and great friends before I head back to Singapore on Monday.

Father, thank you. And I love You. And thank You so MUCH for having that ultimate trust in me, believing that I can really do this! AMEN!

CD Wishlist.

The Pregnant Letter.

Sketches For My Sweetheart, The Drunk.

Grace.

Deliverance.

When All That's Left Is You.

Amos Lee.

Supply and Demand.

Ship Shop.

In PJ with Aunty Fay and Kairan for almost the third week now and our parents came up for a visit last Friday, along with Surbee. Okay, I'm lazy to type much so I'll make it brief. Hahaha. They reached on late Friday night so we went home straight. Had some durians and small talks about money and college and TADAA Day Two. Had Chinese food for breakfast, then book fair and tea at the new SS2 Mall. Headed to Amcorp Mall, bought cook books and had Korean food for lunch. Went home, watched Orphan and went out for dinner. After dinner we jalan at Sunway Giza for groceries. And toodei, had Dim Sum and Noodles then sent our parents off. Taught my niece how to write an 'a' then we went to The Curve to golek, had the Ikea lunch, bought The Little Mermaid and headed home. Had a Chinese dinner and Tropicana Mall to burn our fats.

They had this fountain at the mall in SS2 and the devil started playing with it. 

Karen: Look at your shirt. It's wet now.

Shelby: Okay. Take off my shirt then!

And she did.

AND she continued playing, shirtless.

We were buying books and suddenly she stoned at one corner.

Karen: What are you doing?

Shelby: I'm shitting in my diapers.

Joan: Let's go clean your ass.

Shelby: WAIT. I'm with my best friend.

The other girl was just a stranger with her brother and the poor girl got so scared of my niece that they both ran out from the bookstore. She too ran out of the shop with an unpaid book so I had to carry her in. As a revenge, she took the metal basket and slam at my leg.

T___________________T

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT BURNS!

Did you guys watch She's The Man by Amanda Bynes?

P/s: I'm still hoping that the next post sounds better. HAHA.

Dorian.

I was reading random blogs and this was what she typed that made me went WUUMEEKOOOT. "Don't make a girl fall for you if you have no intention to catch her." VOW! So KOOLIO. But from what I read, she broke up with her boiplen. AIGGGGH I didn't blog for so long that I somehow forgot how to write anything. I think I should go slowly, step by step, starting with brief descriptions of what happened lately.


Something is bothering me so bad that even when I dream, I only dream about that, and I wake up feeling worried and terrified. Then I hardly get to have a proper sleep. Constant headache and gastric. DOOOOOD why am I so good at whining now? :'( I believe this is one of the lowest point of my life -.- But on the brighter side, since now it's my downfall, the next turn will most probably be a good one! :D

I find myself constantly calling annoying females 'buffalo' :0

And I hope the next post will be a better one. :D