After all

Hmm. I have a Bio test tomorrow and I have not started anything. I don't know what went wrong. It was since the moment I got up from bed. Nothing seems right. I had sleep but I was being extremely moody and cranky. Classmates said I look damn sick. One of my group mates pissed the fuck out of me that I did not even bother acknowledging him anymore. To reach that point of me, he's great. I can't wait for this semester to be over. It's probably one of the worst. So many things happened. Bad memories coming back. Current things linked with my past, ironically my happy past which made me realized why it had turned so bad now. I hope Armageddon comes.

Come away with me

It's been awhile since I last wrote a proper long post. I actually had another more personal one but then figured that, this blog was the start of everything really good and really bad that happened. So I should probably just stick to this.

I've been doing a lot of self reflecting recently, not that recently but yeah, almost on a regular, daily basis, on my way back in the bus or on my way to work. And it's always accompanied by my 'Study' playlist; Norah Jones, Damien Rice, Olivia Ong, Joshua Radin and some of Alain de Courtenay? Sometimes I can't stand my own sappiness I'd just switch to some happier songs or I'd just give up listening to any altogether.

How am I doing actually? I would not say it's good but I wouldn't complain it's bad. There are so many people out there having worst days than mine so I'm actually pretty grateful with the 'bad' days I have.

But then these few months back I've been contemplating whether to continue being nice to others or not, and I've been really a bitch with my words and remarks these few weeks. I've stopped showing emotions, sympathy, and empathy at times (?) even though, I really want to because it has stuck to me like an old habit. My sister flew back from Perth last week and few days back, on our way out for a drink, we decided to talk about my recent reckless, rude, aggressive, rebellious behavior. It has become so bad to the point where I just refuse to listen to any instruction because I refuse to listen and do everything as instructed.

Uz said he wants to be bad for once, and be an insensitive douchebag. I told him don't ever try to change himself. Having all those hatred and anger in you, it slowly eats you up and it's just f-ing messed up. I'm constantly switching between these two but somehow, I let the self destructive side of me take over eventually because for me, it just feels so damn good. It's a wrong and sick mentality, but that's what the society tells us. Nothing is truly right or wrong. But of course what I'm saying here is self destruction, not ruining other peoples' lives, that's just morally wrong. Honestly, until now, I have no idea what goes on in the head of those who recklessly break the trust of a close bond just for their own benefits. If I could, I wish to be as forgiving as I want to. Come to think of it, I did achieve that, when I first moved here, around that period. I was truly happy, feeling light, nothing bothers/worries me. I was still very faithful to my religion back then, my old entries tells me how much I had faith in God, it was so strong and certain that every single obstacle I face, something good just pops out and an awesome lesson learnt and I could just link everything to God's answers to all my prayers. And I just slipped. I tried. I did. But it wasn't as strong. And it got worst. Now statements and questions about my own religion and faith is the last thing I want to discuss about.

One thing my friend told me that will always stick in my head, "Kat, whatever you're looking for, is looking for you too." and recently out of the blue, he said that to me once again and I made a joke out of it about how I'm not having what I'm looking for and he replied with a stern look, "Kat, you're not looking. You're not. You're just being very fickle minded." He's probably right. I don't even know what I want. For now I'm just filling up all my time with a part time job. And almost every now and then, I crave for a drink. I crave for a smoke sometimes but so far, I'm still able to resist. This shall be my fifth attempt to quit.

You know the recent local production Ah Boys to Men? I was really swooned by the main actor, Joshua Tan (hahahah) and I stumbled upon his blog (he gave it out in his facebook fan page) and there was this entry that said out what I'm feeling at the moment. It was about how others find a need/must to say something negative to bring down your self esteem. My good friend is doing that to me very often recently, but lucky for me, I'm quite vain in a good way where I can don't give a shit about what others have to say about me. Or shall I say that I'm just too lazy to bother or respond? I find people like these are just pure childish and are low in self esteem themselves. There was a part he mentioned how good friends go overboard on jokes and I realised that's what I've been doing to Uz recently and I felt bad, so I'm gonna stop, even if it's a joke. He's a growing guy, I shouldn't say anything that makes him feel negative about his own image. I mean I'm not gonna be fake and say something nice for something that's not, just to be nice, but then, if I can't find something nice to say, why not I just don't say anything?  Unless I really don't like you and it kills me to say something nice to you. :)

I have this thought. I just want to live up till 60 maybe. If I've got no family members left by then, I'd find a way to end my own life. I really don't want to get old. I love the elderly really, that's even why I signed up for geriatrics in the first place, but I don't want to be one of them. It's sad to see them, at this age, having no one to care for them. Not a family member bothers coming to see them. I know how they're expecting to grow old living with their children and grandchildren but even if the kids don't want them to move in, I'm very sure they love you enough to agree to not move in together but at least go visit them, have some outing or family day few times a week! Make them look forward to something! Urgh, this world is just too sick, everyone is so self absorbed. Anddd another reason to not have kids. Hmm, well if *touchwood* I do get married and have a kid, I would raise them exactly like how my parents raised us.

So here's my plan for the future. Graduate in 2014, finish my three year bond, get my Advance Diploma or Degree in Australia (maybe?), work 2-3 years in Australia, move to probably one or two more countries and gain some experience, continue until I'm probably 30-35 years old, (wonder if I still have a chance to be a tattoo artist by then), retire and be a volunteer nurse at war countries, die there or if I do survive, travel around the world up till 60. And die. HAHAHAHAH but then yeah, you get the rough idea of what I want to do in the future; gain experience, be a volunteer nurse in war countries, fill my whole body with tattoos, travel, retire early, die early.

Starting to get a little tipsy now. And hungry. Oh god. Goodnight.

Only Sixteen.

My memory is failing me again. I have sudden flashbacks which I might remember vaguely but still have no idea what was it about and it really scares the shit out of me. I might not remember myself one day. This feeling creeps in again. It's a never ending cycle. I try to grab the bible today, I can't find it. I tried to go to church today, but I stopped myself.

Don't Know Why

People come and go. I need and want courage. The courage to leave those who always try their best to bring me down, and move to a new circle of people who makes me happy and feel good. It's no more a matter of loyalty or patience.

Loving Strangers

I feel like slitting my face. Bet I'll look pretty by then. How wonderful.

Lighters

I was excited to get back to a routine lifestyle, but now I'm not so. I hope that it's not coming back because if it does, it's definitely gonna be worse than the previous times. Oh, shit.

-This ones for you and me.

Rumor has it

I don't know is it coincidence or what but recently, whenever I'm feeling low as f, you're there.



-But baby, is that really what you want?

Lacquer

A friend is nothing but a known enemy.

-Kurt Cobain

And he's back again

At this age, the matured decision is to know how to consider what I need instead of what I want.

But easier said than done. I no longer know what I need. I seek for temporary relief. Ehh, screw it. Just have fun.

Trust

I just finished the movie. I wanted to stop when the guy appeared. It was sick and disturbing. But the ending, for the first time in so many movies I've watched, I cried hahaha. It reminded me of the January incident. What the dad told his daughter, it struck me. The whole movie. Eventhough the main plot wasn't about suicide. It was just the ending part where she decided to end her life.

No one in my family talks about it and I myself am avoiding it that I soon forgot about it. Until that day i was packing my room and decided to read my old journal and the day my sis sent me a message.

Now I know it's been extremely hard on them. My parents. My sister. My brother, sis in law, cousins and uncle I guess? I know it's anal to say this but I could just think of my parents and sister. Well, sister mainly hahaha.

I mean, God. What were they actually thinking when it happened? It never struck me until Clive Owen talked to his daughter. It feels extremely horrible. The worry I put in them. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling now.

I just wanna apologise.

Puddle of Mud

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fucked up.

And we always end them with a smile.

Fuck it.

Rootless Tree

So fuck you,

And all we've been through

I said leave it.

It's nothing to you;

And if you hate me,

Then hate me so good that you can let me out

Let me out of this hell when you're around.

It's just a thought; only a thought

I took whatever's in the fridge and mixed them up.

Cloudy apple juice. 

Mixed carrot and orange juice.

White wine.

Turns out surprisingly pretty good.

HAHAHA

Lately I'm getting back to my old bad habits.

Urghhh,  f- it.

Say you'd run to my side

She sounds so different in this song.

Whole day I kept listening to Tracy Chapman's Goodbye, Macy Gray's I Try, Boyce Avenue's cover version of Usher's Without You and Dido's Life For Rent. 

Sometimes it's not that I don't try; at times I just feel that there's no point trying. At times I wish I were normal; be stupid like how normal girls are. Giving priorities and risks to things that aren't important after all. Sometimes I struggle so hard over something that I soon forget what. I'm really sick of judgmental people. Are they really there as a friend or they're willingly listening to you to make a joke out of you? I'm sorry but I can't help feeling this way. I FUCKING HATE TO SOUND WHINY AND ANNOYING. That's why I hardly tell people my problems. I just don't fucking trust anyone hahaha. My truth can be a nice lie at times. I'm not trying to be different when I say this, but then some of my thoughts about certain things are really different from my friends. Sometimes I'd try to be bold and just say what's really on my mind on how I see things, they'd make fun of it and laugh it off. So okay ah, I just laugh along. Of course I know they don't mean to bring me down but you don't have a clue how disappointing it is at times. I love my friends, I really do. They treat me like a princess and a queen most of the time but it's like how they say about parents, love is not about pouring gifts and wealth. Ahh fuck it.

I feeeeeeeeel like running away again. But it's not that bad this time because I'm enjoying my current attachment alot and I've been keeping myself busy during that whole 8-hour shift to shut my mind off things. But I'm pretty looking forward to the long holidays as well. Can't make it to Perth this break; spent most of my money on medical fees. URGHH. 

Can I just smoke weed for the rest of my life and just stay high? -.-

Life for rent

有时候还是喜欢一个人的生活. 不必顾别人的感受, 只需要做自己喜欢做的事.

(:

It's all in a day

Ahh, what the fuck was I thinking yesterday. Shit. I can't recall some parts. I remember what happened but not how I felt and how it came about.

Seriously. Screw this shit.

Goodbye.

I need some fine wine, and you, you need to be nicer.

Good dog. Bad dog.

-The Cardigans.

12:41AM

好辛苦.

I was the person you run to

This song gives me a whole pack of emotions.

-.-

I promised myself yesterday that I'd change. I don't want to live the way I've been living these few years back. I'm protected but fuck, what's the point. I'm still living in the past; someway, somehow. I need to be honest, not with others, but myself. I said I was getting better, keeping it under control, overcoming the causing factors. But no I'm not. I've been covering them with lies. Lies after lies even I got myself fooled. But I really don't know how, I feel so lost hahaha. What are the problems, what are the barriers. I thought I knew, but I don't know, and I've been denying to myself with what I really know. Mindfucked. 

What I've been telling others are just like me reading from a book. I do not do what I tell. Fucking hypocrite you may think hahaha. I have a lot of ideas running at the back of my head. I'm smiling happily because I fucking know it's gonna make me feel so fucking good. It's these sick thoughts that are keeping me alive and motivated. Sometimes they're true, sometimes they're not. Nobody knows. Sometimes I've thought if talking to someone I can trust who understands in some way I want them to was as easy as writing them down here. Ironically, people are reading what I'm typing, I don't care but still it's so hard for me to open my god damn mouth. Actually I don't have to trust that person. And he/she doesn't have to understand what I'm going through. Hahaha I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. 

I have this feeling.
The kind that I don't want to say out because I forbid myself to.

I give you take

Hahahhahahahaha!! I suddenly have a plan. Can't wait for my next appointment hehehehehehehe \(*^*)/

Vanished

Another case of pure embarrassment.

You Me At Six

You're suffocating me. 

Stop it if you still want to stay as friends.

The sight of you and your name already makes me wanna grab you and shake you so badly; 

saying,

Stop It.

-.-

Miroslava Duma

Okay.

She's my inspiration now.

Estranged

t.A.T.u

I wanna stop medication and treatment but I'm not allowed to, eventhough they gave me the "the final decision is up to you, depending on what you're comfortable with" crap beforehand.

You see, I hate doctors. They don't do much help, that's what I think. They're pretty task oriented; I go for a 10min of basic interrogation and that's it, collect my medication from the pharmacist and pay the effing expensive bills. Dafuq! They forced me to live on meds but I didn't even touch any of them, what's the point? For the next appointment, I'll either just be honest that I'm not taking them or just bullshit with you that I am and I'm feeling so much better, which will cost me more money because you think it's working so, fuck my life.

Honesty it is! HAHA

When I'm not okay you tell me the only solution is medication. And when I'm handling myself well, you tell me it's due to the previous od. WADAFUQ! So you're telling me I can't take care of myself without your help? Well, screw you.

Run away if we must

I sat down for dinner and immediately Syahmi was split into two.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I keep having dizziness and blurry vision the whole day for two days now.

Body, please don't crash on me now. 

One more hell week and I'm done!

HAHAHA

Can't wait to get home.

:')

Fell out of touch

Air Supply.

Queen.

Chicago.

I'm gonna bury myself in their songs before I spend the whole day in the library today.

My brain's all tangled up and I just forget every single damn thing.

-.-

I'm sorry if I planned on something and not have a clue when you remind me. 

BRAIN, Y U NO FUNCTION WELL!?

But then, first time ehh I stress over exams until like this.

HAHA

Scream city

For the first time in my life, I've been studying till I forget my meals. My health is deteriorating and I've been experiencing vertigo every now and then. Hahaha! I'm not stressed but then so many things happened last year which increases the risk of me screwing up my papers by 83736282926 times than the usual rate has made me wanting to prove myself wrong. For the first time my mum says "this time round, it's enough to just pass" instead of the usual "do well, we know you can" hahaha they don't wanna pressure me either and I feel bad. After all the endless troubles and worries and tears, I wanna let them know that I'm really alright and they shouldn't worry about me, especially when it comes to studies.

I wanna be a strong, educated and respectable woman. I've been in and out the hospitals for visits that it made me see so many things in life that I was once ignorant about. I regained my passion. I really wanna make a difference in this world through nursing. I know I'm gonna love my job. I may not want to retire as a nurse but I'll definitely be doing something quite the same. I will not stop caring for the world; even if it's gonna risk my life. God does not send me here without a purpose. (:

Stairs

I can feel my health deteriorating like shit now. No, not now. Hahaha.

14.02.2012

Falling in love at a coffee shop.

Landon Pigg.

I woke up early, opened the balcony glass door and slammed myself on the couch/coffee table and stretched. I continue laying there and stare at the ceiling. I saw structures of cells right before my eyes and as I tend to focus it moves upwards and disappear. I tried focusing few more times and they reappear and disappear. Then I tried to stare even harder, glittering dusts were everywhere. I laughed at myself but it somehow made me feel peaceful. My eyes are definitely playing tricks on me but I felt alot happier afterwards.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

(:

I ripped out his throat

I never knew this song existed.

I woke up and suddenly thought, let's youtube for Jet Lag and see what comes up!

And not bad hahaha

________________________________________________

What time is it where you are?

I miss you more than anything

Back at home you feel so far

Waitin' for the phone to ring

It's gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down

I don't even wanna be in this town

Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin' me crazy

You say good morning

When it's midnight

Going out of my head

Alone in this bed

I wake up to your sunset

And it's driving me mad

I miss you so bad

And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

What time is it where you are?

Five more days and I'll be home

I keep your picture in my car

I hate the thought of you alone

I've been keepin' busy all the time

Just to try to keep you off my mind

Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin’ me crazy

You say good morning

When it's midnight

Going out of my head

Alone in this bed

I wake up to your sunset

And it's drivin' me mad

I miss you so bad

And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Is so jet lagged

I miss you so bad [x5]

I wanna share your horizon

I miss you so bad

And see the same sunrising

I miss you so bad

Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me.

You say good morning

When it's midnight

Going out of my head

Alone in this bed

I wake up to your sunset

And it's drivin' me mad

I miss when you say good morning

But it's midnight

Going out of my head

Alone in this bed

I wake up to your sunset

And it's drivin' me mad

I miss you so bad

And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Is so jetlagged

Is so jetlagged

Here's to the Night

I wonder it's the weather or is it me.

I'm feeling rather emotional tonight.

Wtf.

Breathe

I suddenly miss my friend, eventhough we visited her almost everyday haha. I guess I'm sorry that it took such a tough journey for us to get this close. Well, she was the first friend that I opened up to about my condition, besides Ifran because he was like my brother and I accidentally told him about it when I was high haha. I still remember on her birthday, the both of us skipped lecture and I brought her to my hideout, the tracks. We spent an hour talking and there was where and when we promised each other to get through this together and finish up the course together. The first day we had a study meet up at the airport, she said the next day's her last day in college. I got shocked, really but honestly angry or disappointed never did come across my mind haha. I was actually happy for her because I remembered she once told me that she doesn't really see the necessity of having such high education level and she used to plan to work instead to support herself and her family. So it was somewhat courageous for her to take this big step.

She gave me a letter though. I read it in the bus on my way back; didn't know what to say haha. She remembered our promise at the tracks. Hahaha.

I feel like talking to her suddenly. It's weird that now I'm more comfortable opening up to her. Honestly I hardly have this kind of 'feeling'. Almost everyone I know in my life asks how can I be so optimistic and cheerful all the time. Haha. I'm honestly not as pigg-happy-go-lucky as you think I am but then I just don't find the point showing out to others, it's like my weak-point, and you don't show your weaknesses to everyone haha. But she has seen most of my low points in life. Accidentally but too frequently that I somehow got used to it by now, that I don't give a shit if she sees another shit phase of my life hahaha. And that is if she doesn't mind of course :p

I suddenly feel grateful tonight. I've always envied people who has someone to talk to when they want to or when they're feeling low. I suddenly smell soy sauce hmm.. Hahaha off track, nevermind. So.. Mm hmm haha. I never had the thought of opening up to someone, anyone, even I feel like it. It's hard for me you see. Eventhough I'm shit ass close with my sister, she still has to find her own ways to find out what's going on with me. Seeeeeee, I told you I have issues trusting people! Hahaha. But of course that doesn't mean I don't trust my sister. She's the world to me; just that I still don't know how to share my problems with others. Sometimes I'm not even honest to my own diary. Haha retard.

I feel different, yet indifferent. (:

MOSBY

Hey you!

I hope you get well soon. Kill the doctor if he doesn't let you home tomorrow! Hahaha! I really hope you'd take that one step to call me when you're not feeling right; distance will never be a problem. Your life matters more to me. 

Take care, little sister.

*hugs*

10.02.12

I've never felt so weak.

God, provide me strength. Provide her strength. Show her the right way, I don't want to lose her.

Show me what to do to help her through. I'm trembling, Father. I need Your guidance..

Indie

Going indie today!

The Pains of Being Pure at Heart's MP3 player hahaha cute right! Hahahahahaha

Scott

Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new life


I ripped out
His throat
And called you on the telephone
To take off
My disguise
Just in time to hear you cry when you...


You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
The night he died
You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
One last time


Singin'...


Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new life
I don't know much at all
I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight


There was
Police and
Flashing lights
The rain came down so hard that night and the
Headlines read
A lover died
No tell-tale heart was left to find when you...


You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
The night he died
You mourn the death of your bloody valentine
One last time


Singin'...


Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new life
I don't know much at all
I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight


Tonight


He dropped you off, I followed him home
Then I, I stood outside his bedroom window
Standing over him, he begged me not to do
What I knew I had to do cause I'm so in love with you


Oh, my love
Please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and
We'll start a new life
I don't know much at all
I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight
Tonight

____________________________________________

It was during lecture when this song suddenly popped into my head.

Sing for me this, with a sunflower in your hand and I'll be yours.

HAHAHAHA WTF DAMN CHEESY but..

HAHAHA

Help me open up, and start again

I remember the first time it struck hard.

I'm pretty frustrated at how people are telling me I'm still young to talk what I had spoken about. You know, age doesn't really matter when it comes to opinions.

No one gets what I'm trying to say. They laugh it off saying I'm thinking too much or I should just think/speak like how an average 20-year-old should. Seriously? I honestly do respect your way of seeing things but somehow it's unfair for you to expect everyone to think the same.

I really do enjoy looking things at a broad perspective, as in really fucking broad that it doesn't make sense. Hahaha.

Think of this: A stranger comes up to you asking for some money, explaining how strange he feels in a new place, not knowing anyone, not having any money, with a pair of broken slippers and the smallest change you have is a piece of $10 note, which honestly isn't a small amount. So what would you do?

He honestly do seem like a conman. Even unconvinced himself of what he's telling. But still I gave him my only $10 note. So here's what I thought when I gave him the money: If he's really out to collect free money, he must have his reasons; desperation. If I don't give it to him, he's definitely out to hunt others because he's desperate. And what if nobody gives him? Out of desperation, he might rob someone and a person's life will be at risk. $10 for exchange of a life? I think it's stupid, I'd rather lose my money. So let's just say that he's lucky to meet an unlucky me. And back to the main point, someone's life is put at ease. See what I mean? Hahaha so that's how far I think over minor things like this.

I think it'd be interesting to find someone with the same perception. Hahaha.

1:02 AM

Travie McCoy: Need You.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I don't even know where to begin.

I don't even know if I should.

Trust is something that means so much to me yet it's so hard for me to begin with.

Awakening

I went for cell group today and we were discussing about the word 'disciple' and what it means to us. So, we concluded with the main essence about discipleship: obedience. I guess it's because of the exams being so near that only Michson, Jonathan, Nathan and I turned up from NYP. So we were discussing a few questions among ourselves:

Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did

-1 John 2:6

*What does this mean to us?*

What is the barrier between you and God?

What is the thing you always struggle with people around you?

I shared that the way we treat people around us should be the way Jesus had treated the people around him; as in love the way He loved, cared the way He cared. And then it struck me, so I asked is it possible for a person have a heart as big as Jesus'? Then Michson showed me a verse from John 14:12, Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. HAHAHA it's when I just typed this verse out only I truly understands what it means hahaha. Oh yes, so what he explained to me is that it is possible for us, humans to have a heart as big as Jesus, and maybe even bigger than His but it's up to us, the humans to act upon it or not, which most of us do not. It kinda opens my heart a little bigger now to try my best to forgive those who have hurt me. Of course it's hard but then I should to carry on with my life..

So the barrier between me and God. Definitely patience. I don't know why exactly but that was the only word that I could think of. And the pastor even asked who feels tired when it comes to serving God. I honestly don't feel tired but then it struck me. I admitted that I'm very tempted to all the materials in the world. I thought based on my condition. I did things that made me feel happier and better but none of these are pleasing to God. So this is where I'm confused. I loss my patience trying to pursue the happiness and inner peace through my relationship with God, that's how I turned away from him when my condition worsened. I seek 'help' from the bad; the guilty pleasure that thrills me and gave me the adrenaline rush. 

And the thing I'm always struggling with the people around me. No doubt, I said it's trust. I never fail to have a problem trusting people. And I don't know why. Believe it or not, I don't even trust my own parents at times. I do not only pull myself away from God, I've even strayed from the people around me. Sometimes it gets so bad that I feel like a stranger among my friends. They'd be "okay, where have you been. You can just vanish and come back as if nothing happened but then you seemed like you've changed so much." But then trust me, I'm trying until today to break that barrier. I need to throw away that fear. Hahaha.

And most importantly,

I need to get the motivation to stuuuudyyy.

Mother of Goddddd.

\(*^*)/ 

I remember when we stole the night

Sometimes, recently, I feel it coming back and I'm trying hard to control it. 

Anger.

Insensitive.

Going overboard with my words.

Over excited.

Paranoia.

Ahh, paranoia, the worst feeling to have. Really really fucked up.

I think I'm really emotionally retarded. I have so many fears and barriers when it comes to trust, it has affected me at times, really screwed up bad. So one fine day, haha, I was laying on my bed, trying to think of what made me this way and I don't seem to find one, whatturf. 

Okay, lazy to type, need to finish up my slides. Bye bye.

The All-American Rejects!

Do you remember when we didn't care
We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there
Do you remember you at all
Another heart calls

Yeah I remember when we stole the night
We'd lie awake but dreaming 'til the sun would wash the sky

Just as soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

Talk to me
I'm throwing myself in front of you
This could be the last mistake
That I would ever wanna do
Yeah all I ever do is give it's time you see my point of view

Just as soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Na, na, na, na, na, na

I'm sorry
So what?
But you don't think I've said enough
I'm sorry
I don't care
You were never there

As soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I'll never ask for anyone but you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Song of the day

Come to Singapore, please.

But not so soon, I need to save up.

Hahahaha

Domino

It's only about two hours and I miss you already.

When will I ever get the chance to gather like that again?

:'(