Awakening

I went for cell group today and we were discussing about the word 'disciple' and what it means to us. So, we concluded with the main essence about discipleship: obedience. I guess it's because of the exams being so near that only Michson, Jonathan, Nathan and I turned up from NYP. So we were discussing a few questions among ourselves:

Whoever claims to live in Him must live as Jesus did

-1 John 2:6

*What does this mean to us?*

What is the barrier between you and God?

What is the thing you always struggle with people around you?

I shared that the way we treat people around us should be the way Jesus had treated the people around him; as in love the way He loved, cared the way He cared. And then it struck me, so I asked is it possible for a person have a heart as big as Jesus'? Then Michson showed me a verse from John 14:12, Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. HAHAHA it's when I just typed this verse out only I truly understands what it means hahaha. Oh yes, so what he explained to me is that it is possible for us, humans to have a heart as big as Jesus, and maybe even bigger than His but it's up to us, the humans to act upon it or not, which most of us do not. It kinda opens my heart a little bigger now to try my best to forgive those who have hurt me. Of course it's hard but then I should to carry on with my life..

So the barrier between me and God. Definitely patience. I don't know why exactly but that was the only word that I could think of. And the pastor even asked who feels tired when it comes to serving God. I honestly don't feel tired but then it struck me. I admitted that I'm very tempted to all the materials in the world. I thought based on my condition. I did things that made me feel happier and better but none of these are pleasing to God. So this is where I'm confused. I loss my patience trying to pursue the happiness and inner peace through my relationship with God, that's how I turned away from him when my condition worsened. I seek 'help' from the bad; the guilty pleasure that thrills me and gave me the adrenaline rush. 

And the thing I'm always struggling with the people around me. No doubt, I said it's trust. I never fail to have a problem trusting people. And I don't know why. Believe it or not, I don't even trust my own parents at times. I do not only pull myself away from God, I've even strayed from the people around me. Sometimes it gets so bad that I feel like a stranger among my friends. They'd be "okay, where have you been. You can just vanish and come back as if nothing happened but then you seemed like you've changed so much." But then trust me, I'm trying until today to break that barrier. I need to throw away that fear. Hahaha.

And most importantly,

I need to get the motivation to stuuuudyyy.

Mother of Goddddd.

\(*^*)/