Breathe

I suddenly miss my friend, eventhough we visited her almost everyday haha. I guess I'm sorry that it took such a tough journey for us to get this close. Well, she was the first friend that I opened up to about my condition, besides Ifran because he was like my brother and I accidentally told him about it when I was high haha. I still remember on her birthday, the both of us skipped lecture and I brought her to my hideout, the tracks. We spent an hour talking and there was where and when we promised each other to get through this together and finish up the course together. The first day we had a study meet up at the airport, she said the next day's her last day in college. I got shocked, really but honestly angry or disappointed never did come across my mind haha. I was actually happy for her because I remembered she once told me that she doesn't really see the necessity of having such high education level and she used to plan to work instead to support herself and her family. So it was somewhat courageous for her to take this big step.

She gave me a letter though. I read it in the bus on my way back; didn't know what to say haha. She remembered our promise at the tracks. Hahaha.

I feel like talking to her suddenly. It's weird that now I'm more comfortable opening up to her. Honestly I hardly have this kind of 'feeling'. Almost everyone I know in my life asks how can I be so optimistic and cheerful all the time. Haha. I'm honestly not as pigg-happy-go-lucky as you think I am but then I just don't find the point showing out to others, it's like my weak-point, and you don't show your weaknesses to everyone haha. But she has seen most of my low points in life. Accidentally but too frequently that I somehow got used to it by now, that I don't give a shit if she sees another shit phase of my life hahaha. And that is if she doesn't mind of course :p

I suddenly feel grateful tonight. I've always envied people who has someone to talk to when they want to or when they're feeling low. I suddenly smell soy sauce hmm.. Hahaha off track, nevermind. So.. Mm hmm haha. I never had the thought of opening up to someone, anyone, even I feel like it. It's hard for me you see. Eventhough I'm shit ass close with my sister, she still has to find her own ways to find out what's going on with me. Seeeeeee, I told you I have issues trusting people! Hahaha. But of course that doesn't mean I don't trust my sister. She's the world to me; just that I still don't know how to share my problems with others. Sometimes I'm not even honest to my own diary. Haha retard.

I feel different, yet indifferent. (: